Romance with Fear

It is not practical for people to practice all 25 solutions and in fact it is not required. Based on the kind of fear you are dealing with, personality, preference and level of thinking you can chose which solution best works for you. Even if you can practice just ONE solution you can see phenomenal difference ( I believe so). Any theory is utter waste unless we practice it. Unlike any other thing, practicing on romancing with fear is real fun. Try it out !!.

Normally people don’t like to use the word “Fear” because it is negative and more than negative it may appear like “Weak”. One of my friend suggested to change the name  of the blog to something else to so that it might appeal better  instead of fear. But I wanted to keep it raw form and make it blunt and honest. Because I think most people try to use different names like “stress”,” I don’t like it”, ” I am very sensitive” , “not comfortable”,  ” I have grown up like this” or “I am happy like this”, etc for the underneath fear.  Our brains were designed for basic survival but we human evolution has progressed much beyond but brains had not upgraded.  We have been conditioned by parents, society and our environment. Bottom line is because of various kinds of fears we may not experience sustainable joy. Go out and suck maximum juice out of life. Have fun  !!.

This is the last solution (just as number and not based on any specific criteria) in our list of 25 solutions. For every problem solution can come any dimension – physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.  This solution is somewhat coming from spiritual area. Some of the advanced yogis or elevated people talk about they separating body from themselves. What this really means is that they can separate themselves from the physical body and observe all the drama (anxious symptoms, etc) that happens with in the body. On the extreme side if you really  believe in this concept then you almost don’t have fear of death. I understand this looks like somewhat esoteric but the point is the most fearless people (esp spiritual people) are able to do control their body and do many things mainly based on this belief. This solution might not be easy for everyone to practice but at least I want to call out this powerful solution in case if you can practice it.

Sometimes fear comes when you are not used to take your own decisions. Underneath every fear there is a decision making related resistance and vice versa. So longer you avoid taking decisions then more weaker your decision making muscle would be. Take more decisions and experience failure or success and repeat the process. After some time, your thought on fear will fade away as you get used to experience both failure and success. One of the main fear people experience is fear of failure. This is the reason some people have hard time taking decisions. Start small. Start taking decisions based on your own thought process and build your decision-making muscle.

As per Wikipedia “Cognitive reframing is a psychological technique that consists of identifying and then disputing irrational or maladaptive thoughts. Reframing is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts and emotions to find more positive alternatives”

Reframing is also heavily used in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programing). Reframing mainly focus on shifting the perceptive from negative to positive. Based on whatever fear you face you can always use the reframing technique. In fact, in all the solutions what you are indirectly doing is reframing. But without labeling it as reframing might take long time. So knowing framing technique will help to get the positive outcome quickly.

We continuously tell stories to ourselves. Just observe how many stories you tell yourself in a single day. Stories get formed through our beliefs, experience and emotions. Unfortunately these stories are most often negative stories – why you can’t do certain things because of blah  blah blah… Most successful people would visualize and tell optimistic stories and that is why they their stories becomes realities. Same thing happens for negative story tellers, i.e they their negative stories are prove to be true.

You can use the “Journaling” solution to write down story and you would realize that your story would look like story. Write your negative story to positive one if you want to conquer your fear. Also, some of the main stories would be inherited (from parents, friends, environment, etc ) ones. Don’t believe in others stories and delete others stories from your library. Focus on re-writing your own stories.

What are your stories? Share your experience on how you are changing your stories.

Any fear would have power when it is sitting inside the mind. The moment you take it out and go into the details like what you are believing in, what stories you are telling yourself, what emotions you are experiencing, etc then you will get the complete hold on your fear. In other words, you will get all the building blocks of fear. This solution is somewhat similar to “EXPERIENCE FEAR IN DETAIL” solution. But the difference with journaling is you are going to write it down in detail and hence the impact to bring awareness on fears is much higher. Also, when you write it down you would act as if you are watching someone else’s fear. When you watch the fear from outside it will look easy and somewhat funny. It is like feeling others fears does not make sense for you  !!. Start typing about anything that you are concerned about. Trust me with in 10 mins of journaling you will either find out what is holding you back and/or come up with a creative solution. Try it out today  !!

Any fear would have power when it is sitting inside the mind. The moment you take it out and go into the details like what you are believing in, what stories you are telling yourself, what emotions you are experiencing, etc then you will get the complete hold on your fear. In other words, you will get all the building blocks of fear. This solution is somewhat similar to “EXPERIENCE FEAR IN DETAIL” solution. But the difference with journaling is you are going to write it down in detail and hence the impact to bring awareness on fears is much higher. Also, when you write it down you would act as if you are watching someone else’s fear. When you watch the fear from outside it will look easy and somewhat funny. It is like feeling others fears does not make sense for you  !!. Start typing about anything that you are concerned about. Trust me with in 10 mins of journaling you will either find out what is holding you back and/or come up with a creative solution. Try it out today  !!

This statement looks very boring and old. Right? Not really. Fear ideally should not exist if one has good knowledge in that specific area. Did you notice you get angry and worried when you don’t know what you need to do about some problems or situations? Why? Because your brain does not know what to do and how to go about next. Hence it will try to ventilate through the emotions like anger and worry. Pick up the fear that is stopping you and making you uncomfortable and then study about it in detail. And talk to the people who have crossed the similar situations. You would gain good knowledge and there by you will be able to face the fear with power. It is real fun to dig deep into fear!!

Your environment has a huge impact on everything – how your beliefs will shape up, your emotions and your behaviors.  Do you know why people from certain nations or regions or places bring more leadership and courage than others? It is all about environment. Even though it is very difficult to change your core DNA after very early age, it will still hugely benefit moving with people who have high level of courage and guts. Negative and fearful people will suck the energy from you and whereas brave hearts will give you energy. You will be average of five people with whom you roam around. Period.

Personal/Life Coaching is gaining prominence in India slowly. This service is reasonably well known in many of the western countries. Personal coach role is very different from a physiologist. Phycologist (through CBT) would be beneficial when you are facing with specific and deep rooted fears/phobias. When we are dealing with fears related to key changes/decision/transformation, coach would be more beneficial. It is very difficult to get a good coach who can bring holistic understanding. Most life coaches provide first session as a free session so you can try out different coaches to get a feel for the right coach for you. A good coach will take accountability for your transformation or change and work with you until you get the desired outcomes.